marbles

Sometimes my heart just does whatever the heck it pleases. It's like we're two strangers coexisting under one roof. We're sorta just casual and polite with one another and it's mostly just smiles and nods of existence real non-confrontational like. But mostly we complain about each other when the other isn't looking, secretly we really don't get along at all. Until one day when someone leaves the door unlocked, or the other brings over friends that they're not comfortable with. Truly this body is not big enough for the both of us. So I hang it up to dry.

It's like this heart has no rational thought at all. like it's never had one. It loves one day and hates the other. It chooses completely at random to feel some insatiable desire for belonging. It's given up all hope on any shred of dignity. It's appetite for the future has no recollection of the past. And it hates it's only able identity and loves the deteriorating facade of others. It's life is that of a distant wanderer looking for some old high school that simply doesn't exist any more. Yet I relent, it's persistence is compelling.

It's mostly like a jar of marbles spilled on a hill and I can't catch up with any of it.